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| ABUSE INDICATORS Women In general, women who are abused physically are isolated and their partners tend to control their lives and verbally degrade them. The woman mentions not being able to use the telephone. She is forbidden from seeing friends unless he is with her. The man has exclusive control over all the money and household financial matters. She is not allowed to participate in the decision making process at home. He won't let her learn to drive, go to school, or get a job. She is treated like a child and her freedom is limited. For example, the man may say, "Go to the store, get milk, and come straight home. It should take you 15 minutes." She has low self-esteem, poor self-concept, and speaks badly about herself. She is unable to make eye contact, always looks away, or looks at the ground when talking. She complains about non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring. She suffers from stress-related problems. Boys He has serious problems with temper tantrums. He continual fights at school or with siblings. He lashes out at objects inside or outside of the home. He treats pets cruelly or abusively. He threatens siblings with violence. For example, he may say, "You get over here with my teddy bear or I'll kill you" or "I'll slice you into little pieces with a knife." He attempts to get attention through hitting, kicking, or choking. Girls Abused girls do not always show obvious signs of abuse. A girl may become withdrawn or cry a lot. She may cringe if you raise your arm. If you suspect abuse in a family that you know, feel free to contact S.A.F.E. Place for assistance in dealing with this difficult issue. Just call (269) 965-7233 or (888) 664-9832. (back to top) Common Characteristics of Batterers He may: 1. have low self esteem 2. believe all the myths about battering relationships 3. be a traditionalist believing in male supremacy and the stereotyped masculine sex role in the family 4. blame others for his actions 5. be pathologically jealous 6. present a dual personality 7. have severe stress reactions where he uses drinking and battering to cope 8. frequently use sex as an act of aggression to enhance his self-esteem in view of waning virility 9. not believe his violent behavior should have negative consequences (back to top) Common Characteristics of Battered Women She may: 1. have low self-esteem 2. believe all the myths about battering relationships 3. be a traditionalist about the home, may strongly believe in family unity and the prescribed feminine sex-role stereotype 4. accept responsibility for the batterer's actions 5. suffer from guilt, yet deny the terror and anger she feels 6. have severe stress reactions with psychological or physiological complaints 7. use sex as a way to establish intimacy 8. believe that no one will be able to help her resolve her predicament (back to top) Progression of Violence — Abuse Gets Worse, Not Better, With Time Pre-Battering Violence Includes verbal abuse, hitting objects, throwing objects, breaking objects, and making threats. Almost 100% of people who hit objects, break objects, or make threats resort to battering. Beginning Violence Includes pushing, grabbing, and restraining. Moderate Violence Includes slapping, pinching, kicking, and pulling out clumps of her hair. Severe Violence Includes choking, beating her with objects (sticks, ball bats, bed slats, etc.), use of weapons, and rape. One in three women in a battering relationship are raped. There are two kinds of rape in domestic violence: 1) with a threat from weapons; 2) she submits out of fear that is she were to say, "No", he would get angry and beat her. (back to top) Sweet Baby Syndrome — How He Gets Her to Come Back Honeymoon Syndrome Also known as "Hearts and Flowers". Involves any bribe that will get her to return to him. Super Dad Syndrome He tells her that he will be a great dad if she returns. This works especially well if he has neglected the kids in the past. Revival Syndrome He puts the responsibility for his battering on God. He may say, "I've gone to church every Sunday since you left" or "I've accepted Christ into my life." This is not really a valid revival or salvation, since he has probably gone to church only a few times. Sobriety Syndrome He claims that he has stopped drinking, so he won't abuse her anymore. In reality, drinking doesn't cause abuse, so not drinking will not stop the abuse. Counseling Syndrome The abuser claims that he has gone to counseling and won't abuse the victim anymore. In reality, long-term counseling is needed, but less than 1% voluntarily go into counseling. Even after attending long-term counseling, a very low percentage of assailants actually stop the abuse. | ||
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